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I clearly remember the conversation where I was misled about the importance of women’s friendships. This wrong information was presented to me in the direst of tones and with the most earnest of facial expressions. I was told pointedly that to be a good mama to my young brood, an excellent wife to my man, and a terrific homemaker, I would simply have to forgo friendships… for a long time! 

That advice, from someone I revered and always considered to give gold standard wisdom… could not have been more wrong. I have wished many times over that it didn’t take me several years to realize what a bunch of baloney counsel that was!

In hindsight, I know that the seasons of young married life and young motherhood are detrimentally affected if there are no healthy, fortifying, and honest friendships. Forging like-hearted, life-giving friendships in this most demanding time of life with young children is not only healthy, wise, and helpful; it is imperative. Of course, like all good things, moderation in friendships is important, especially in this season when there is much to do at home in the nurturing of little ones, investing in your marriage, and tending to your home. But my encouragement today is to cheer you toward encouraging and life-giving friendships, whatever season you are in!

In these early empty-nesting years, I am freshly revisiting the necessity, yes, the urgency, of female friendships. I adore my husband, who is, by the sheer grace of God, a gentle and gracious gift of a best friend to me. I don’t take for granted how precious it is that I would rather pal around with him than anyone else on earth. I adore my children, who are also, by the sheer grace of God, treasured friends to me. However. I’m learning another layer in a new season, that my husband and kiddos aren’t “enough” for my relational tank. 

I’m thankful God gives us a bird’s eye view of some of the friendships of women in the Bible. My two personal favorites from the Bible are Naomi and Ruth, and Elizabeth and Mary.
Naomi was crushed, broken, and according to her own assessment, bitter. The timely and committed friendship of her daughter-in-law Ruth was a game-changing gift to her heart and life.  When Naomi tried to send Ruth back home to her mother, the Bible says, “Ruth clung to her.” (Ruth 1:14) “Clung” in Hebrew means “to cling, stick, stay close, join to…”. These women joining together in friendship was a gift ordained by God and used mightily by Him even in the lineage of Jesus!

Then there were Elizabeth and Mary. I think one of many reasons this friendship was given by the kindness of God was because He knew Mary would need the encouragement, understanding, blessing, affirmation, and guidance of an older and wiser woman. 

In similar beautiful ways today, God gives us as women the gift of friendships. We need the encouragement, understanding, blessing, affirmation, and guidance of older, wiser friends. On my journey, I have learned multiple times over that “older” doesn’t always mean older in physical age. My life has been touched deeply and changed by several precious ladies with fewer years and more maturity and experience than I have.

It is my earnest hope that young women, as well as middle year and older year women, will realize the importance of forging friendships with other women, including and especially with “older women”, so that we may learn to thrive more fully as we live, love, laugh, and grow in the grace and joy of Jesus.

Look around, dear sisters in Christ. I am confident that you have the opportunity to be an Elizabeth to a Mary (or vice versa). Perhaps even a Ruth to a Naomi! Women have a unique and uncanny ability to speak hope to one another, to celebrate joyfully and cheer one another forward, and to support each other in sorrows as we bear one another’s burdens through the enabling strength of God. It is impossible to overstate how true it is that “women need women”. We desperately need other women to know how to navigate the glorious and sometimes pothole-pitted path of beautiful womanhood. 

Two parting “action” encouragements:
1. Ask God to show you sisters who are languishing and in need of encouragement, and make yourself available to them.
2. Rather than calling on Google, appeal to God for older, wiser women who have walked the road ahead of you. With a teachable spirit, reach out to them.

(photo credit: Becca Tapert, Unsplash)