10-27-22
1 minute 41 seconds
Being the parent of adult kids is like going through an automatic car wash.
To stay on the track going through a carwash, you put your vehicle in neutral, keep your foot off the brake, and most importantly, take your hands off the wheel.
Once inside the carwash, you are no longer driving or steering your car. So it is as the parent of adult kids: once they have flown, you are no longer in control.
In all my parenting-of-littles years, for the most part, I set our daytime schedule, decided what was for dinner, enforced bedtime, and decided how many cookies everyone could have. Now, all our kids are firmly in the “adult living” category. As a result, I am not privy to many of the day-to-day details of their lives.
I’m still learning the steps to this dance.
One of our young adults had surgery recently. I hopped at the chance to be mom-taxi for a couple of days to and from Rochester, supply a few helpful bags of groceries, engage in conversation when he wanted to chat, and offer a quiet and prayerful presence when he didn’t.
Settling this son in at his apartment after a rough procedure and general anesthesia, I offered to stay awhile to ensure all was well. “You could rest, or we could watch a movie,” I suggested as I unboxed and started to organize his post-surgical prescriptions for pain.
Two of my kids would have loved this and been glad for my lingering attention, negotiating a head and foot rub out of the deal as well.
Two of my kids do not love lavish mom attention and prefer not to be doted on or tended to. This kiddo was one of the latter. He was kind but made it clear that he wanted me to stop trying to help and leave him at his home, alone. He promised to call me if he needed anything.
A Small Handful of Thoughts On Loving Our Adult Kids Well
-pray like their lives depend upon it, cover them daily in prayer, choose a specific verse to pray for them, regularly ask how you can pray for them
“To pray is to accept that we are, and always will be, wholly dependent on God for everything.” – Timothy Keller, Prayer: Experiencing Awe and Intimacy with God
-be perceptive and honor them as individuals
-initiate opportunities to build relationship, but keep expectations low
-be available as often as possible
-organize and host “if you can make it” family meals
-seek to affirm and bless wherever you can
-take an interest in their friendships, work, and hobbies
-(try to) answer the phone if they call
-leave a kind message if they don’t answer
-be judicious with emojis – less is probably more 😳
-just like when going through the carwash, release your grip, don’t try to step on the brakes, and know that it’s usually best to keep your windows (mouth) closed.
(photo credit: Unsplash, Kenny Eliason)