Building Relationships With Your Adult Children
(1 min, 59 seconds)

I’m grateful for friendships where we can pass on the small talk and go right to the good and hard. Where we can humbly savor together the sweet places, and honestly confess the painful stuff of life.

Such is my new friendship with Sharon. I was treasuring every step at the beginning of our recent hike together when I dove right in. “How do you seek to build relationships with your adult children?”
“Tangibly and practically,” I add for clarification on what I’m eager to learn from this godly woman who is nine years further down the road of life ahead of me.

I was expecting her answer to be something along the lines of the application of love languages: quality time, acts of service, words of encouragement, etc. I thought she might say something about being available to our adult kids, or even the holiest of answers, the “die to yourself” theme, something I know she and I both sought to do in our many decades of mothering.

All of the above are excellent and wise practices. Surprisingly though, Sharon had something different to offer me as we hiked along the trail together that warm summer day. Something that she habitually utilizes every morning, something that has given me permanent pause and changed me.

How does my wise mentor-friend build relationships with her adult children? Her answer began with, “As I read my Bible every morning, I pray the Word of God back to God over my children.”
“Hmm, tell me more,” I said, thinking perhaps she hadn’t understood my question. I wasn’t asking her how she prays for her adult kids. I was asking her how she pursues and builds relationships with each of them.

As it turned out, she perfectly understood my question. Sharon elaborated on how she interacts with God via His Word as she inhales Wisdom, seeking to be wise, and exhales prayers of petition for wisdom on what to say and what not to say, how to respond or not respond, and where to invest energy or resources as it relates to each one of her children.

“Wow,” I said softly, slowly turning over this profoundly wise practice for building relationships from the foundation up with our children in mind.

This enlightening conversation continued for several miles. That day I added these four golden nuggets of wisdom into my “building relationships with adult children basket”:

1. Open the Word of God.
2. Invite the Lord to put a seal upon our lips when we shouldn’t speak.
3. Ask God before asking our kids if we should serve in specific ways that we aren’t sure about.
4. Depend upon the Holy Spirit to guide our specific prayers for our kids as we dwell in the Scriptures.
5. Humbly seek our Father’s wisdom and leading. (“I don’t know what to do; my eyes are on you.” 2 Chronicles 20:12)

Remember how Dorothy, clad in ruby red slippers, stepped purposefully and decidedly to the very, very beginning point of the yellow brick road as she embarked on her long journey toward the Emerald City? Likewise, as parents, on this long journey of building relationships with our adult children, we need to begin every day at the very, very beginning by engaging in a relationship with our Maker, our children’s Maker, on behalf of our children.

To pursue relationships with our adult children, let’s prioritize pursuing a relationship and abiding with Father God. Let’s begin with The Beginner.