(Don’t!) Put Another Log on the Fire
(2 min, 26 sec)

Musical confession: I like to polka. 
Second musical confession: Oblivious to the words or gist of the song, I have polka tunes in my head that make my feet start in on a polka jig. Consider the song “Put Another Log On the Fire .”I could sing the refrain in my sleep but have never paid attention to the words until today. The lyrics are the dialogue of a guy, a jerk who demands that his special lady complete a burdensome list of things to take care of him, including putting “another log on the fire” so he will stay toasty-warm!

I’m reading Proverbs 20, where Solomon said, in effect, don’t put another log on the fire. My foot starts polka tapping, and I lean in, intrigued.

For lack of wood, the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases. Proverb 26:20 ESV

I had been waiting a few pain-filled decades for one friction-fueled relational fire to die out. But, unfortunately, another’s flame of deep-seated aversion and dislike of me wasn’t to be extinguished.
In the beginning, I was guilty of adding to the inferno. I had things to say, but since my voice and opinions were shushed and frequently harshly corrected, I retreated to the safety of processing my words privately, on paper. The deafening silence that followed the worst of our interactions fed my insecurity like thin paper going through a shredder. I lived for years feeling like pieces of me were being ripped into pieces.

I thought I wasn’t fueling the fire in this relationship. However, I realized that I was still tossing in kindling by recycling and re-examining false accusations and unkind words from my accuser, and remaining close to a damaging fire. My face was still hot, and my hair was slightly scorched from staying too close to the flames of adversity and hostility.

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.  Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “Vengeance is mine; I will repay,” says the Lord.” 
Romans 12:18-19

A while back, the Lord clearly showed me there was nothing more for me to do or say to cultivate peace within this relationship. So I laid down every stick and piece of kindling at the feet of Jesus and moved on peacefully.

If you find yourself dueling in quarrel within or without, I’d like to offer a few gentle suggestions. 

1. Humbly invite a few from your close circle of godly and wise to help you examine where you (may) have sinned.
2. Be sure that all of the “I’m sorry’s” have been said and the grueling work of repentance done.
3. Forgive. Really forgive. “To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.” C.S. Lewis
4. Consider that it may be time to move on. If all of the above, by the Spirit, have fostered freedom of heart and mind and peace from previous bondage, perhaps it’s time to move on.

All Glory to God when the fire of adversity that caused grief and harm diminishes to a charred heap of ashes and blows away.
A wise woman builds her house, says Proverbs. Yes, and amen. A wise woman, after doing all that she can, walks away from the fire and lets God douse the flames. 

(photo credit: Mark Tegethoff, Unsplash)